Rugged * Refined

I’m on the Phone. Speak Up.

My wife and I have an arrangement. I drop off my daughter at school, on my way to work. My wife picks her up in the afternoon. It works pretty well. 

Each morning, I take my first grader to school and notice ever more familiar faces of parents and children we walk past, on our way to her classroom. There are about a dozen or more parents that I see each week as we walk past each other on our way in or out. 

After noticing that some of the parents refused to say “Hi” to me (Two ladies even looking right at me when I greet them in passing, then looking away without saying a word) I decided to play a little experiment that you may find interesting. 

One day, about two months ago, I dropped off my daughter at her classroom and my phone promptly rang. On my way out of the school yard, I passed by the usual faces. But I noticed much more receptivity to my acknowledgement of them. As we were passing, I would nod in their direction, with the phone to my ear. People who would normally give me a guarded response or none at all were now smiling and nodding back or saying “Hi” in an oddly jovial manner. 

At this point, you might be wondering, “How rude are these people?” And I gotta say, it’s bizarre how rude these people are. Maybe they’re rude because it’s morning, or maybe they find me offensive in some way. Whatever the case, the parents are standoffish, to say the least. (Disclaimer: there are a couple of very nice individuals who I am forming a bit of a “walk by” relationship with. They’re good.)

Getting back to my experiment…

After noticing this odd turn of events, I started faking calls on my way out of the school, nodding graciously to people as I passed. Without a doubt, I receive much more of a positive reception when I’m “on the phone”. 

While this is more like a high school prank than a scientific experiment, something happened today that confirmed my theory. While walking out today, I had a legitimate phone call to make (no faking today). But, since it was someone I know well, I was able to also perceive my surroundings. There are two ladies in particular who refuse to greet me almost every morning. They are so rude that that it is almost comical. At one point, I’ve even laughed out loud at the audacity of their ignorance. However, today, it all changed.

When walking out, on my real call, I walked past both women who have offered me more rejection than I received in all my years of junior high. But today, both women returned my nod and wave with a “Hello” and (gasp!) a smile! A major breakthrough. Tomorrow, I will greet them again, but without my phone, to see what happens.

But I wonder, why are people so much more warm and friendly when I’m on the phone? Is it becasue they feel like the phone is their “protection” from a real conversation breaking out? Or does the phone represent a barrier to social intimacy created by and needed for our emotionally removed society?

What do you think? Why was my “test group” so much more friendly to me when I was on the phone than when I am not? Have you had similar experiences, noticing social barriers?

How to Become High-Capacity

I have brother, a business partner, and a daughter who are all very high-capacity people. Meaning, they can do a lot of stuff, with endless energy to pursue their activities. It is amazing to see how some people can just do more. When other people get tired or worn out, high-capacity people keep going. 

To make sure we are on the same page of what a high-capacity person looks like, let me start by identifying a few characteristics of such a person.

High-capacity people… (by my informal definition)

• Desire a challenge
• Are consumed by their activities and things they want to accomplish
• Maintain energy for their pursuits when other’s wanes
• Prioritize their pursuits over their pleasure
• Get fulfillment from reaching their goals

As a medium-capacity person who knows both high and low capacity people, I have been able to asses the pros and cons of being “high-capacity”. Mostly, it is a good thing and we can all benefit from adding to our capacity to handle heavy loads. When you are a high-capacity person you can:

• Get more things done
• Do things with greater excellence
• Carry larger burdens for yourself and others
• Be noticed by others - in a good way
• Fulfill a greater calling on your life

I am thankful for the high-capacity people in my life and have realized that, while most people are simply “wired” that way, there is something you can do to develop a higher-capacity. Here are a few things I have learned by being surrounded by high-capacity people. If you want to become a higher capacity person you should:

• Try to keep up with high-capacity people. The greatest growth I have had personally, in this area, is a direct result from working with people who are better than me. It pushes you to take on more than you normally would and consequently, develop the skills necessary to handle it.
• Manage your time well. Wasting time on things that aren’t important is not an option if you want to accomplish more in a single day
• Prioritize Properly. In concert with time management, you have to identify what things deserve your time and what things warrant less. This is hard!
• Take on a challenge. If you think something might be too hard, try to do it. When you take on things that you think are impossible, or above you, you will adapt to meet the challenge and be better prepared for the next time.
• Get strength from the Lord. Even those who are naturally high-capacity can suffer from taking on too much and will get stressed out, irritable, and maybe even self-destructive. But when you get your strength from the Lord, you have a reserve of energy and focus that keeps things in perspective. 

While this post has focused mostly on the pros of being high-capacity, there are some cons as well. Just be careful when trying to attain a higher capacity that you:

• Maintain a healthy life and work balance
• Don’t steam roll other people and their interests
• Take time to relax, unwind, and rest
• Spend adequate time with God to make sure He, not you, is driving your agenda for the day

Good luck!

Husband & Wife

I am going to keep the word volume tamed down as much as possible because there are a lot of comparisons that I could draw, examples I could use, and thoughts I have on the matter and I don’t want to get this convoluted.

Plus, I know you are all busy and I don’t want you to stop reading halfway through. :-)

The question I try to answer in this post is…

Why does Jesus use the Bride and Bridegroom analogy between Himself and the Church?

Before I was married I thought there was a better comparison He could have used. But now I see the parallels are obvious. 

I know I am treading on dangerous territory here with some of my assumptions. If you disagree with the wants and needs I have identified and think I am a chauvinist, please give me a little grace. I am trying to keep things simple.

So, to over simplify, in his wife a man wants…

1. A woman with eyes for no other - faithfulness
2. Appreciation and thus, respect
3. To be served by a helpmate
4. Intimacy
5. A woman he can show off to others (I’m just being honest here)

In her husband a woman wants…

1. To be loved unconditionally
2. Gifts 
3. Affirmation 
4. Intimacy
5. To know that her husband is proud of her

From his Church Jesus wants…

1. Faithfulness
2. Appreciation - Worship
3. To be served (his hands and feet)
4. Intimacy
5. A bride who can be shown off - a reflection of his glory

From Jesus the Church needs…

1. To be loved unconditionally (which gets met every time)
2. Blessing
3. Affirmation
4. Intimacy
5. To know that Jesus approves of them

See the parallels?

Whenever a husband or wife does not meet the needs of the other or does not have their needs met, a distance is created between the two.

Whenever the Church does not meet Christ’s needs or when it removes itself from a position to receive the last five items mentioned, a distance is created between the two. 

My questions to you are…

1. In what ways is the Church not meeting Christ’s needs?
2. Does the Church feel like Christ approves of it? If not, what implications does that hold?

Fixer Upper

People like to fix things.

People like to watch other people fix things (as evidenced by HGTV).

People like to fix other people.

But people don’t like to be fixed.

I was driving home with my wife from dinner the other night and we started judging Christians for being so judgmental. Okay, we weren’t judging, we were “observing”. 

Regardless of our own culpability, we came across an interesting, although not at all novel, question. 

Why do Christians judge others so much?

There is no doubt that many Christians are just being gossips and like to talk crap about others to show how good they are. Oldest motive for judging in the book.

But I think there is another segment of Christianity, whose intentions are pure, who become judgemental for another reason.

Many Christians erroneously believe that they are in the business of fixing people. Especially those in ministry and leadership positions feel “charged” with making sure that people turn out okay.

After all, that is why we have bible studies and counselling sessions and book groups and worship time and sermons, isn’t it? And maybe that’s why people feel compelled to write blogs that identify and solve the big questions of life ;-)

However, the point of all the stuff we do as Christians should not be to fix others, but to point them to God. Then, He can fix them. 

I think that is what the apostle Paul is referring to in Romans 12 when he talks about offering our bodies as a living sacrifice and calls it “a spiritual act of worship”; which puts it much higher, at least in my book, than self help. 

Our job is not to fix people. It is to encourage, edify, and rebuke them to worship God in the way Paul describes, then let Him do the dirty work. 

Imagine the relief so many in the ministry would have if they found out that making sure people turn out okay is not their responsibility?

And imagine how good others would start to feel if they didn’t think we were out to “fix” them, but to encourage and equip them to love and worship God?

When we start looking at people as worshipers of our God, rather than projects in need of fixing, I think the judgmental habits will start to fade away; and people will be truly transformed rather than just compelled to fall in line?

What do you think?

I Have a Stylist…Do You?

I was feeling a little embarrased the other day when a male friend of mine from church said, “Oh man, don’t say that” in response to my comment that my wife picked out my pants. 

To be clear, he is a good friend, and was mostly joking (although he probably thinks I am sissy for letting my wife pick my clothes). 

Nonetheless, it got me thinking about the following question…

Am I sissy for letting my wife pick my clothes?

The answer… Probably 

But in my defense I offer the following, well, defense.

When my wife needs to pick out a new car, or a tool, or a some sort of building material for a house project, who does she turn to? Me

When she needs help finding tires for the car, or a right place to get the oil changed, who helps her? Me.

When I need help finding the right pants or shirt, or complete outfit, who do I ask? Her.

The point is, I am better than her at picking out “manly” stuff, like cars and building materials, and she is better than me at “girly” stuff, like clothes. 

With that perspective in mind, I feel a little better about letting my wife pick my clothes. She is better at fashion than I am and that is OK. 

In fact, it might even be more “manly” to let my wife pick my clothes than it would be for me to actually spend time shopping and picking the latest fashions myself.

I mean really, imagine me walking down the sidewalk of the newest open-air mall contemplating if I should go with the khaki or tweed, fedora or bowler, denim or chino. Is that really how I need to spend my time? Would that really make me more of a man? I think not. 

At least that is what I keep telling myself. 

So, to all the men out there…

Do you have a “stylist”?

If so, are you embarrassed to admit it?

If not, do you wish you did have one?

P.S. thanks to my wife, the stylist, the pants in question looked really good!

Oh, and one more thing to all you leaders out there. Wouldn’t we all be a little better off if we let those who were better than us at something, just do it for us, instead of insisting we do it ourselves?

The Truth About Marketing

Many companies have a marketing department. Most of the time it’s called the “Sales and Marketing” department. That correlation makes sense. After all marketing drives sales, right?

But sometimes, I think that the two departments should be split up. 

Why? Because Sales and Marketing are two totally different things.

A salesman and a marketing man are attempting to do two different things. Sure the end result is always to cultivate a sale, but it’s the approach that is different. 

A salesman usually makes a pitch and tries to close a deal by persuading the customer to make a decision on the spot.

A marketing man usually tries to build a feeling inside of a customer that will drive them to make a decision on their own, when they are ready. 

It’s much like the difference between “witnessing” and “being a witness”.

Witnessing involves going out and reaching out to people to persuade them to make a decision, on the spot.

Being a Witness creates an example and a feeling, and even some brand loyalty towards Christ that persuades people to make a decision, on their own, when they are ready. 

Consider this:

Everyone has been talking about the new Old Spice commercials online. People joke about the GEICO Caveman commercials as well as many other well planned marketing attempts. 

But when is the last time you ever had a good laugh about the most recent sales call you had at dinner time? 

Or when do you relish the opportunity to answer the door and see someone selling you a cleaning agent that is strong enough to take the tar off your driveway but safe enough for your kids to drink?

The point is, sometimes sales are necessary, sometimes you have to have someone there to “close the deal” for the customer’s own good. But most of the time, what you want is marketing.

Marketing produces brand loyalty, a positive feeling, and the opportunity for a person to make a decision on their own, when they are ready.

Historically, do you think the Church has been more sales oriented or marketing oriented?

Would you rather have someone market something to you or sell something to you? 

Should the Church be in the Sales or Marketing business?

Are you a “Republangelical”?

I have noticed an increasing trend as the “Christian Right” and evangelical movement in America has become increasingly political. 

It all started with a “good” idea; to get Christians more involved in polictics to help reverse some of the immoral laws and agendas of the “liberals”. 

But what have Christians sacrificed in their attempt to gain political influence?

As a former die-hard conservative republican (and admittedly still conservative) I have a lot of thoughts on the matter.

But my views have changed a bit since I was 18 and could first vote. 

My main concern now is that many Christians have lost their identity in Christ and have replaced it with an identity in a political party or movement that may adhere to certain Christian principles but is no substitute for the relationship with God.

As I found myself questioning certain statements by conservatives that seemed to lack grace, or love, or a godly motivation, I started to change my persepctive a bit. 

I would hear things like, “Let’s just drop the bomb over there and be done with it” (referring to the middle east)

Or, “We just need to round up all the people living on the streets and put them in safe houses, or jail.”

Or, “I don’t care what people do behind closed doors, just don’t try to put your politics on me.” - I mean, really? We don’t care about the person corrupted by sin? We just don’t want to be bothered by their politics?

So I will ask you the same questions…

Do you ever feel more devoted to a political party than your church?

Do you feel more comfortable discussing politics or God?

Have you ever made a “moral” argument on the basis of “what makes sense, statistically” rather than “what the Bible says about…”?

I have coined the term Republangelical to refer to people whose lines are so crossed that they could not imagine a seperation between their political persuasion and their faith. I aim to challenge that notion and believe that our faith should drive our politial convictions, but be completely unaffected by ANY political movement. 

- John 18:36

Are you first a Christian or a “Conservative”?

Disclaimer: in the interest of full disclosure, I must admit, I still vote republican. Although not always for the same reasons that Fox news might tell me to ;-)

Does This Offend You?

Some people might call these videos sacrilegious and harmful. 

Others might call them just a funny joke

Benny Hinn

Farting Preacher

What would you say?

Do these videos offend you or make you laugh?

Why?

Funny Rap Videos

These are some of my favorites. You may have already seen them, but if this is your first time seeing them… Enjoy!

Big Mac

Dad Life

Lazy Sunday - all time favorite, got to watch it twice

Got any funny videos you want to share?